From the time Jennifer was a little child, she was demanding of attention, especially from her mother, Sarah. With two older brothers, Jennifer had a ?special? place in the family as the baby and the only girl.
She made sure to establish a ?special? relationship with her mother, who relished the connection since she didn?t have much of a relationship with her emotionally distant husband.
It was easy for Jennifer to control her mother?s attention. Because her mother was needy for emotional connection and afraid of not being liked, all Jennifer had to do was get angry at her mother and Sarah would capitulate, giving Jennifer the attention she craved. Jennifer learned early to control her mother by becoming angry, critical and withholding love when her mother didn?t do what she wanted. Unwittingly, Sarah contributed to Jennifer?s neediness, entitlement issues, and the belief that happiness was dependent on approval and attention from others.
Jennifer, now in her late 30?s, finds herself continuing the pattern she started with her mother - attaching to others in needy and demanding ways. The result is she has not been able to have a successful relationship with any of the men she has dated.
We all have a need to feel special. It is not the need that is dysfunctional, it is how we go about getting the need met that can be either dysfunctional or healthy. It is dysfunctional when we make others responsible for making us feel special. When others have to give us attention, compliment us, seek us out, and attend to our wants and needs in order for us to feel special, our behavior is dysfunctional.
HEALTHY SPECIAL-NESS
You will stop pulling on others to make you special only when you accept the full responsibility of making yourself feel special. This means learning to give yourself all that you may be trying to get from others ? treating yourself in the loving ways you desire from others. There are many ways of making ourselves feel special. Instead of trying to get others to give you what you want, you can:
* TAKE EMOTIONAL RESPONSIBILITY:
o Attend to your feelings throughout the day and explore what you may be doing that is causing painful feelings, rather than making others responsible for your feelings.
o Attend to your own needs rather than expecting others to meet your needs.
o Accept yourself rather than judge yourself. Validate yourself, approve of yourself ? tell yourself the things you want to hear from others. Value your talents and gifts.
o Value your intrinsic worth rather than just your looks or performance ? your kindness, compassion, creativity, caring.
o Behave in ways that you value ? being loving, kind, integreous, compassionate, understanding, caring.
o Pursue work you love, work that fulfills you, if possible.
* TAKE PHYSICAL RESPONSIBILITY:
o Feed yourself well to maintain health and appropriate weight.
o Get enough rest and exercise.
o Create balance between work and play and creative time.
o Make sure you are physically safe such as when riding a motorcycle.
* TAKE FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY:
o Make sure you are financially independent rather than dependent upon another, if physically able to do so.
o Spend within your means to avoid the fear and stress of debt.
* TAKE RELATIONSHIP RESPONSIBILITY:
o Stand up for yourself and speak your truth rather than complying, defending or resisting in the face of others? demands or criticism. Don?t be a victim.
o Refrain from blaming others, with anger and criticism, for your feelings and behavior. Don?t be a victim.
* TAKE ORGANIZATIONAL RESPONSIBILITY:
o Do what you say you are going to do regarding time and chores.
o Make sure your living space and work environment are clean and tidy, and esthetically pleasing.
* TAKE SPIRITUAL RESPONSIBILITY:
o Take the time to connect with the love and truth of God/Higher Power.
o Take time throughout the day to bring the love down to the level of your feeling self ? your Inner Child.
Treating yourself in these loving ways will eventually result in feeling internally special rather than needing others to make you feel special.
As Jennifer practiced making herself special, she discovered that her relationships with others were becoming stronger and more fulfilling. People were no longer pulling away from her, resisting her, or defending themselves against her demands for attention. Her behavior naturally and gradually changed with others when she was treat herself as a special person.
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Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including “Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?” She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
margaret@innerbonding.com
Many people become affected by different levels of stress. This stress may be caused by worrying about money, work, relationships, health, family, holidays, moving house or many other daily issues.
For certain people who live life with a stuttering problem, stress can have an altogether different meaning. As well as worrying about all of the above issues they have many other things to stress about, things that fluent people just take for granted and see as very simple tasks/events.
I will take as an example a young man who is eighteen years of age, I will call him Peter. Peter has had a problem with his speech for as long as he can remember and has what is known as a stutter or stammer. Despite attending regular speech therapy classes, Peter has continued to be affected by this form of speech impediment and is starting to become very concerned about the future.
The first area of concern for Peter is his career prospects. He worries that quite a lot of employers may be reluctant to employ somebody who has a speech impediment and even if he is able to gain employment he worries about how he will cope in the workplace when he is unable to talk fluently. Routine tasks such as answering the telephone, having a conversation with a colleague, having a meeting with his team leader are things that cause Peter a lot of stress. This stress is affecting Peter before he has even got the job, what will he be like therefore once he has one.
Peter also stresses about love and marriage. He has yet to have a girlfriend, which he puts down to his lack of overall confidence and ability to chat them up. He would however dearly love to meet a woman with whom he could call his own girlfriend but worries that no girl/woman would want to date somebody who has a stutter. Even if he were to meet a girl, he then worries about all of the social aspects that go with having a girlfriend, such as meeting her parents and friends. Peter has never been one for socialising and prefers to spend time on his own relaxing. When he is on his own Peter never has a problem with speech and can say any word without the fear of stuttering.
Marriage is something Peter is almost certain he will not be getting involved with. The thought of having to stand up in front of a crowd of people, to give a speech, fills him up with dread. Peter can not imagine himself ever having the courage or confidence to be able to do that.
For people out there who are stressed about something, spare a thought for people who stutter as they have probably got it a whole lot worse than you.
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Stephen Hill helps to promote a number of websites including:
stuttering
high class hosting
cheap hosting solutions
When I was twelve my parents bought me a five foot snooker table for my birthday. This turned out to be the best present I was ever bought and I quickly became hooked on the game.
My friends would regularly come round to my house for a game and when they were not there I would practice on my own.
After a few months a few of us decided to join a snooker club where we could play on full size tables. I was amazed the first time I saw one of these tables at its sheer size, it was twelve foot by six foot. We started to play and it was much more difficult to pot the balls on this much larger table.
The club itself was superb and had free coaching for children under the age of sixteen on a Saturday morning. The coach was called Glen who was aged around thirty at the time. He was a larger than life character and a very good snooker player. We were encouraged to join this free coaching which we duly did. There was regular tournaments as well as coaching and they gave us free drinks and toast.
All of the players were not exactly the best in the world being so young and not one of us had ever had a twenty break. This was the first goal of all of us, to become the first player to reach this target. I was extremely determined that it would be me and listened carefully to what I was being taught and tried hard to implement it.
My progress was quite rapid and to my amazement I was the first person to score that elusive twenty break. People around the snooker table I was playing on started to applaud and I was walking around with a beaming smile on my face.
Glen who was on the other side of the room wondered over to find out what all of the noise was about. I thought he would be so proud of me and happy at my achievement, however he stated that if I could score twenty, I could score thirty. He told me to stop messing about and smiling, and to re-concentrate on the job in hand.
I had been brought straight back down to earth and was a bit gutted to say the least. This lesson was a very good one for me to learn at such an early age and I eventually went on to have breaks of over one hundred.
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Stephen Hill has a number of websites including:
stuttering
stuttering therapy
std information
If you really want to make a difference in the lives of youngsters, one must try coaching youth basketball. Well I gave it a shot, and boy am I excited about the whole thing.
There are several places that will teach you how to coach youth basketball, from charities to workshops to who knows what else. My experience with youth basketball coaching begins for over a year now, and there has never been a more fulfilling experience in my life thus far. However don?t take my word alone for it, cause you should give youth basketball coaching a try to believe it.
The wonderful thing about youth basketball coaching is you can with minimal experience or background in sports, be the one to keep children away from harmful and dangerous influences in their lives. It is a creepy world out there with crime, drugs, and all manner of other temptations which plague our youth nowadays. Why, when I was a kid, we did not even know what drugs were. But nonetheless, using youth basketball coaching especially when working with a good, well organized community center, you can help out kids to say no to crime, drugs, and any other bad or destructive influences in their lives. You have to see it to believe it. The difference it makes is amazing.
At times I do not understand why my work with youth basketball coaching has helped so much for kids, but they have recounted all about it themselves. It is a fact. I have a kid ? Mikey who signed up about when I started youth basketball coaching. Prior to joining the team, Mikey was bad news. His mother had a drug problem and he was getting drugs himself. Besides his friends was a very bad influence on him. I first decided to sign up for youth basketball coaching especially because of kids like Mikey.
I really didn?t understand much about youth basketball coaching when I first got into it. Neither did I have any training. I just watched a couple of youth basketball coaching videos, and hustle to prepare for my first day as a coach. But boy was it worth it. I packed in all of those coaching aids, and soon I was directing the team like a pro. Now that I am an expert at youth basketball coaching, I’ll tell you a secret. With youth basketball coaching, it does not matter where you begin, as long as you persist.
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Mike F. Prince provides readers with up-to-date commentaries, articles, and reviews on sports, games as well as other related information.
I’m sure that anyone reading this article already knows that the rich don’t get rich by accident. But no matter how motivated or educated a person is, he or she still only has 24 hours in a day, so how do they use those hours to get so much richer than the average person? They apply a one word secret that will work just as well for you if you use it.
That one word is leverage.
A lever is a device that multiplies the effort applied. Archimedes once stated ‘If I had a lever long enough I could move the world.” The concept is the same for wealth creation; if you apply enough leverage then you can achieve any level of wealth that you imagine.
That immediately raises two questions. Firstly, how do you leverage? Secondly, what do you leverage? In order to determine the how we first need to know the what, so let’s start there.
There are 20 key success principles that need to be leveraged in order to maximize your success within the minimum possible time, but in the space of this article I’ve chosen to discuss only leveraging time.
Time is the most valuable resource that we have, we each have exactly the same amount each day (24 hours) and once it is gone it is gone for good and can never be brought back, therefore the concept of saving time doesn’t make sense. (If you save something it is there for future use.) The self made rich don’t think in terms of saving time the think in terms of leveraging time. In other words they are constantly looking for better answers to the question; how can I get better productivity in each 24 hour period? This is the essential question that you need to answer in order to discover how to best leverage your own time.
This article that you are reading now is a perfect example of leveraging time. It requires only a small amount of time for me to write yet, because it is published on the net, thousands of people will read the article. Many of those will take advantage of the free offer in my resources box and get the free ebook. If I were to teach what is in that ebook to each person individually then it would require years of my time, yet I achieve the same teaching in the short time it takes to write the article. The article is a time lever, the internet is a time lever, and the ebook is a time lever.
If I decided to work an 8 hour day writing articles and publishing them on the internet I would be helping educate many thousands of people for free and in return this would lead to many sales of my other programs. In that way leveraging time leads to much more profit than would be possible from a one to one use of the same 8 hours.
This form of leverage is called distribution leverage and is used by musicians via CD’s, actors via movies and television, authors via books, public speakers via seminars and teleseminars, and so on.
Another form of time leveraging is delegation. The principle here is that you are recruiting other people’s time to increase your desired results. This could be via employees, outsourcing or volunteers.
Now what about you? How many different ways can you think of to leverage your time in order to increase your personal profit?
If you learn to leverage your time and combine that with leveraging the 20 key success principles then riches will flow to you, but those are techniques I teach elsewhere. For now, make the effort to think of ways of profitably leveraging your time and then put those ways into action.
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I remember when I was growing up, my parents used to become vey annoyed with me when I stated that I could not do my homework or could not do other things I had been asked to do.
They would respond with the advice that I could do anything in life as long as I believed in myself and as long as I was willing to work very hard. The word, can’t, does not exist in my vocab Steve, I sometimes find certain tasks difficult however always believe that I will be able to succeed, my father would say.
He worked very hard to make me understand and to take on board this message, which would eventually prove to be a valuable lesson for me to learn. It has helped me to achieve many things and to also overcome some of the issues I had in my life.
School and employment
I was not the brightest student at school and as previously mentioned would often say that I could not complete the work through my lack of belief in my own ability. Through hard work and determination though, I left school with an impressive set of examination results. I continued this success into my work life and at the age of twenty-two had passed a number of insurance exams and had become a qualified financial advisor.
Stuttering
From the age of four I had suffered with the speech impediment known as stammering or stuttering. By my early twenties I had had enough of this struggle and went about trying to overcome the stutter. It proved to be very difficult and my progress was slow. I had superb support from my family who would always pick me up when I was feeling down and who also continued to ram home the message of never giving up. During the hours of practice I would regularly state that I could not do it, my family would not accept this and kept on at me to keep believing and to think positive.
After nearly a year of working and practicing very hard I managed to eradicate the stutter which is my biggest and proudest achievement in life.
Weight
Throughout my life I have had problems with my weight. I was never happy being fat and at the age of twenty decided to try to lose the weight. It seemed to take forever to achieve the weight and size I had targeted and as usual there were many times when I was close to giving up. From the lessons learnt and with the support from my family, eventually I did lose the excess fat.
Stephen Hill
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Stephen Hill has a number of websites including:
information about stuttering
stammering therapy
std treatment